23.

Our absolutely batshit insane neighbors, who seem to be under the impression that they have any fucking right at all to be outraged that we're building a fence in our backyard. Which would coincidentally keep our dogs from shitting in their yard. Fuck you, you miserable cunt - you and your henpecked idiot of a husband. From now until the time the fence goes up, I will encourage Charlie to shit on your doorstep. Maybe the fence won't seem like such a bad idea, then.

22.

Jenkem. Who the hell came up with this idea? Sweet Jesus.

21.

Anyone who uses "interface" as a verb in everyday conversation to describe human contact needs to be "facilitated" into unconsciousness with a baseball bat. Just IMHO.

20.

In a sign of the end-times surely being nigh, it has come to this: I'm ready to throw something at the TV every time a certain commercial comes on. The offending commercial is an ad for Victoria's Secret bras. Normally, ads for bras are ok - they've got breasts in them. Even as a chick, I can appreciate this fact. Hell, I even wear Victoria's Secret bras on occasion.

But the model in the ad... her horrid accent, compounded by the stupid shit she is saying (which is in limerick form), is so mind-numbingly asinine that it makes me want to shove a screwdriver into each of my ears until they meet in the middle, in some vain attempt to un-hear this godawful drivel.

I admit that the girl in the commercial is pretty damned attractive, but the sheer stupidity of this "limerick" (which isn't really even a limerick, by the way) makes her look about as hot as a love child between Janet Reno and Clay Aiken. On top of which the drugs neccessary to bring about this coupling somehow deformed the resulting baby even beyond its cursed genes. After which the Red Sox' starting lineup beat it with ugly sticks for a day, and then it grew up aspiring to look like Beetlejuice.

The offending words:

There once was an angel so fair
Who's bra was lighter than air
But the reason you see
and it's no mystery
her bra cups were made out of air!

YOU CAN'T RHYME "AIR" WITH "AIR", you fucking fuckwits! Goddammit! Not to mention the impossibility of how a bra made out of air can be somehow lighter than air. Was there not one person in the entire Victoria's Secret organization, the ad agency, the film crew - anyone - who could have pointed this out?

But now I know. I know what, exactly, Victoria's secret is... she's a fucking moron, and she conceals that fact by pushing her tits up in a $60 bra. Which will most likely fall apart after a couple of washings. The terrorists have won.

Kill me now. Please.

Or maybe I'm overreacting. The commercial does have breasts in it, after all.

19.

Shitty contractors. Enough said.